she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
