idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This is classic penis vs brain.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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