i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
