he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I believe in your delicious
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