He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
