i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
