would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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