end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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