This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
