Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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