you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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