Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
