my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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