i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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