IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
