party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
