i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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