is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
