i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
