oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
