I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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