why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
