apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
