I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
