Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
