um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
