Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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