Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
