Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
