i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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