As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
