im about as happy as oj after his trial
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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