My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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