Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
