Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
