i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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