Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
why is half of my head shaved?
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