my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
