yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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