We won't sleep together?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
