Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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