Kiss
Puke
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
