No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
