There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
