The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
