I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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