dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
