why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
