Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize