we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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