she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
