I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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