this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
