If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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