Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
