mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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