It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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