i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
