well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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