There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
