I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
