I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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