a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
