he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize