He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
