do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
