Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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