i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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