I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.