I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
