just tell him i said nine months
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
