margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.