wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
