Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
