I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
