Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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