i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
