don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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