so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize