This girl is more easily done than said...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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