Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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