so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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