No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
