Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
