I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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