I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
