I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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