big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
