there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
