party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
